Monday, December 05, 2005

Simple Minds


Xiaxue's recent post:


QUESTION:

What do these Hollywood A-listers...

Paris Hilton, Nicky Hilton, Nicole Ritchie (Xiaxue... dear. Is it RITCHIE or RICHIE?), Hilary Duff and Mischa Barton have in common with Xiaxue?

Well, other than being half a chromosome away from a retard and almost chronically dumb.
Is the Motorola Pink V3, apparently. Maybe it's something to do with the radiation from the phone? Or maybe they're just born with it? I don't know... But one thing is for sure. That's just so 2 seasons ago. That picture of Paris Hilton with the V3 was taken on September 9, 2005. But on Sept 11th, 2005... she was seen switching back to the black V3 at the front row of party-dress expert, Luca Luca's Spring 2006 collection show. She was never spotted by GettyImages with another phone since.

She's boasting on and on about the phone... when the Motorola V3x with expandable memory, 2 mega pixel camera and 3G capabilities is already in people's hands. WHAT A DUMBASS! She's so clueless about these things. Blogs are now officially people's boast-log!


So let me see... Paris ditched the Pink to go with the black. Oh, wait, does that mean Paris Hilton has more sense and brain cells than Xiaxue? Oh. Like duh? Definitely.

Friday, December 02, 2005

XIAXUE SUCKS


Look what XIAXUE has to say in her blog. Oh my god, it's so fucking shitty. Shit at least, has a smell and creates job opportunities for workers in the waste management industry. This is just CRAP, like the kind you step on along the East Coast and has no real value to anyone. People read it because they have no value for real life, nothing ever happens to them and they enjoy taking after their neighbourhood HDB aunties who pleasure themselves with other people's useless details.

She's complaining that people don't know who she is and don't let her friends into a club! Hahaha ... YOU IMBECILE, WELCOME TO REALITY.

Bring on the blog....

[ START OF BLOG ]

Speaking of which, I got bounced out of members A-Fucking-Gain, for the 2nd time. I cannot take it!!!!!!

Bloody elitist BASTARDS (I'm elitist too, which is precisely why nobody should be elitist against me)!

I mean, obviously they cannot bounce me coz I'm a member, but they just refused to let Shuyin and Junne both go in, coz *roll eyes* one member can only bring one person in.

I don't see what's the muthafucking problem. Is Shuyin chio? Yes. Is Junne pretty? Yes. So? Isn't the whole POINT of members to have supposedly cool people inside, mingling with each other and making everyone's life more meaningful?

The whole theory about making a part of a club elitist is simple:

Allow in hot chicks. Hot chick get guys, and more guys want to come in. Among big group of men, pick out rich ones. Rich ones buy expensive alcohol = club earns big money. Club uses money to improve on DJs = more famous. More famous = more hot chicks. More hot chicks = more men come. Men= spend money. And so on and so forth.

Simple? I thought so too.

Who chooses the bloody bouncer ANYWAY? Eileen (Wee) and I were talking about this bouncing thing the other day, and we both came to the conclusion that most bouncers in Singapore have no idea the who's whos are.

She (Eileen) brought two friends with her some time ago, one of which is some big shot director in Hongkong and the other, a HK actor.

The bouncer doesn't know who they are, and well, he is not to be blamed, for he is Malay (and Malays don't watch HK TV I presume). He refused them entry into the VIP area (not Zouk, another club), opening his arms spread-eagle and rudely proclaiming they cannot go in.

Eileen tried to whisper to him who they are and the necessity of getting them inside, because obviously such people would prefer a little more privacy... But the bouncer refused to listen. Doesn't the words "actor", "director" and "rich" mean anything to him??!
(Obviously, xiaxue thinks RICH actually means something. After all she blogs about her Motorola Pink V3, which is outdated by now - it's already time for V3x. And she flies Finnair to Bangkok. Which is the god awful cheapest airline to fly to BKK. So you go figure)

In the end they went to another club I think, and splashed a great deal of money there. WTF.

Who's fault? The ignorant bouncer's.

The sad dilemma about such things, is that you cannot possibly open your mouth and tell the bouncer who you are. He is just supposed to know.

IF YOU'RE SO RICH, AND YOU HAVE PROBLEMS GETTING IN. WHY DON'T YOU JUST PAY THE FUCKING $20 COVER? Can't afford it? Or your ego won't let you? People have a business to run. And their business is not to read gossip magazines or xiaxue.blogspot.com to see who's in or who's not. YOU'RE SUCH A BUNGHOLE. Don't like the club? Then go somewhere else, airhead.

Back to the point. So whenever I get bounced, I will just walk inside, and get a friend inside to bring my friends in. (birds of the same cheap feather, flock together)

The bouncer will make a grimacing face, and grudgingly step aside to allow a more influential customer to bring my friends in, while I stand at their sides, trying to bore holes into his face by vicious staring.

It is awkward and embarrassing for everyone, so why not just let my friends in next time, asswipe?

Annoying.

*mumbles indistinctly about Ministry of Sound*

[END OF BLOG]

WELL PEROXIDE BRAINS, HOW DOES REALITY BITE? STOP LIVING YOUR BLOG, IT'S NOT REAL.

blogger is deragatory


You know you have lost faith in blogging when you are Mr Brown -above ( http://www.mrbrown.com), and you lost to XiaXue (http://xiaxue.blogspot.com) in the BEST SINGAPOREAN BLOG at the Asia weblog award.


Xiaxue (above) is stupid, vulgar manipulation of femininity, self loving, trivial rants about daily superficial details and is of no importance to the world. But she's the best Singaporean blog? She reckons she's a superstar. Plus, she said she wrote for Maxim, TNPS and SNAG. All trash mags. Just like she is. So, if you're a blog reader in Singapore, you ought to be ashamed. Xiaxue? Best blog? Take away the fancy photos of herself which looks like major ah-lian Jolin lookalike, her posts are nothing spectacular and simply not worth the title best blog

Nobody cares if you want to keep an online diary. But don't think of yourself as the most important person in your village/country/planet, worthy of being invited to the best parties, the best event and the best products, simply because you have a blog and long AH LIAN hair.


Now, I am beginning to think BLOGGER is a DERAGATORY term.


Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Wanna See Something Good?

Here's something good. The irreverent Afdlin Shauki. Giving us an insight on what it means to be Malaysian. Showing us why our thoughts SHOULD matter. What it takes to speak up and be heard. And of course, insight to his exciting life and involvement in the entertainment industry.

To the rest of the dimwits who blog about nothing, "Read this. And yea, what you thought is right. You suck." Just because journalism is made convenient to you, what is convenient (blogs that require little thoughts and value) is not journalism.

Your argument of free speech is that you're free to speak. Yes, BUT I AM TELLING YOU, YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT

and that's my right too.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

creative bitchin

This Kuching girl wants 5 good reasons everytime somebody wants to bitch about her.
Good. I've GOT 1009056835623. But here's the 5 you probably will like

1. You try too hard.

2. Your blog stinks. It's very misleading. You're a whore, not a bitch. Remember your post?
" I find sex upsetting and painful many times, especially with random men and done randomly" -nov 22 2005

3. And why is it called CreativeBitchin'? When it's hardly creative (Please refer to the sample blog text below). Going to a shrink is not creative. Time stamping what you've done is NOT creative. As much as a girl's weight is just as secret as her age, you left nothing to imagination. Besides, nobody cares how much you weigh, especially when people can't have random sex with you on the blog

4. Your fairy picture on the profile is so cliche.

5. You have no right to demand a mature criticism when you're immature yourself

Check this CREATIVE BITCHIN' out. Maybe it is in Kuching. But what's done in Kuching is best left in Kuching... OK?

The post goes:

Appointment with shrink scheduled at: 1530hrs
Finally got to see shrink at: 1615hrs

Initial mood: Slightly drowsy from heat, but still so-so
Temperament by 1615hrs: Lethargic and irate

First line spoken by shrink: Have you lost weight? You look gaunt.
First line spoken by Irene: Yawwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnn... Not 'nough sleeeeeeeeepppppp...

When weighed by shrink, expected weight: 48-49kg
After stepping onto scale, real weight: 46.7kg (bad news, trying to retain at 48kg)

Pre-appointment: Skipping medication
Post-appointment: Now being monitored on intake

General pre-appointment sentiment: Relaxed, acceptably pleasant in mood
General post-appointment sentiment: Agitated, unpleasantly cranky

Shows how much good a trip to the psychiatrist really is huh? Off to bed now! *cursing all the way to bedroom*

-end-


ZZZzzz.............................. Yup, that's blogging for you. Why not take a cam corder and record ur actions by the second? Wouldn't that be more mindless?

Example taken from:

http://loctormayat.blogspot.com/

Loctor "The Maid" Mayat

Wah hia eh......

Today hor... Loctor spent the whole afternoon cleaning up my condo.... sweep.. mop... wipe.... and I even got down and dirty and srubbed both toilets... on top of that, I did some plumbing... aiyoh.... damn tired loh...

Before that, Loctor went ground floor and shoot the building



... another reason why people kill themself

it's cute with your AH LIAN girlfriend LAH... but it's not very informative la. Most people don't give a SH*T loh, your life must be so SAD hor, because you blog about your house chores ma.

Something I found on the net

READ THIS BEFORE YOU BLOG: Why BLOGS (at least most of it) SUCK

Some people don't know when to shut the hell up in theirs. No one gives a flying fuck about every detail of your stupid day!? Who cares what you wore?!

The people who are posting photos of themselves but claiming they're 'ugly' or 'fat' or something. If they truly didn't like they way they looked, why are they posting photos?

People who post sexy photos of themselves because it's all they think they have going for them.

People who brag about all the drugs/sex/partying they do in an attempt to seem well liked by other idiots.

Those who believe every detail of every post you ever make and then call you on it later.

When your friends post pictures of you hanging out, they always pick the ones where THEY look wonderful and you look like an ugly freak.

People who are stupid enough to post enough information to be able to track them down in person.

Leaving your entries online for over a year allows people to spend hours reading everything you've written. If they're crazy enough, they'll think they actually KNOW you from simply reading the entries. Then, they'll contact you and pretend to be a normal person, who just so happen to love/hate the same things you do.

Having your ex post up pictures of them with a new boyfriend/girlfriend and you can't help but look and feel even worse.

Having people you're arguing with post fake/nasty things for everyone to read and when you don't (to be the better person) then the posts continue and you have to do all you can to stop from going over and punching their face in.

Knowing that your parents read your journal and thus being unable to post party pictures because you told them you were going to the library or something. Then, your friend posts all the photos and your parents see THAT.

Kids stupid enough to brag about partying etc KNOWING their parents read their journals but doing it anyway to be 'cool'.

People who OBSESS over others and blither on in their journals about it. (Writing stories, poems, and all sorts of stuff)

Those who can't figure out how to link images properly so they're always broken.

People who post ten times in one day.

There are so many people using butchered language that it's impossible to read. (2, U, wuzup, 4 etc)

Journals where the colors are so awful it's impossible to read a damned word.

Peope who think that those stupid animated cursors and songs playing upon loading up are 'cool'. They're not, it's very annoying.

Having to pick a 'mood' that suits you but instead you pick the emoticon you like the most.

When you go to sign up with a username, the one you want is always taken and then you get stuck with some shitty one you didn't really want anyway.

Having people you hate reading your stuff and making fun of you.

You spend time customizing it only to have it crash the following week and reset everything to default.

Writing up a huge entry and spending lots of time on it, only to have the journal time out and lose everything you've written.

Posting from work/school and forgetting to change the time so it LOOKS like you posted from home. Then you're caught and get in shit.

Having people reply to your entries and post personal/revealing information and you don't know how to delete their posts.

People who change their design every day, spending hours on it. What a waste!

Being out somewhere and all you can think about is how you're going to describe it in your journal when you get home.

Reading about someone and wanting to be their friend because you have a lot in common, but now you feel like you're some creepy person that reads a strangers journal so you don't make contact with them.

Posting on others journals in an attempt to make friends and being treated like you're some annoying loser when really you're just lonely.

Not being sure what to write about becuase you feel your life is boring and when you post that, you get given shit by friends and strangers about feeling sorry for yourself all the time.

People who write about how much their journal suck but they never attempt to make it better.

Posting entries while drunk and feeling like a dumbass the next day and you're too hungover to figure out how to delete it.

Making things up or copying out of other people's journals because you don't want to write about yourself for real.

People who fill their journal with entries about how depressed they are and how bad their life is, but anyone reading their journal knows 3 entries in that they have no one to blame but themselves.

Reading about someone you like liking someone else in their journal and you're all hurt.

Having someone print out some of your entries and post them around your school/workplace for the sole purpose of making you look like a moron OR they do a screen capture of your post and post it in theirs.

Posting an idea you had and then seeing someone you KNOW reads your journal posting that idea as their own somewhere else.

When reading old entries, you realize what a fucking moron you were only months ago and start deleting them.

After reading the journal/blog of someone you like, you discover what a horrible/stupid person they are and you feel like an idiot for ever liking them.

You post ONE photo of yourself online and suddenly all these losers start sending you messages about how they love you and think you're hot but all you are is creeped the hell out.

After setting up the journal, spending time to make it look right, and post some huge post about how you're going to write in it every other day and get something done in your life, you forget about it until months later. Then, you make another post proclaiming how THIS time you're going to get your life together and post, you forget again for another few months.

People who set up journals just to post once that they hate their journal and then never post again.

Myspace.com

People who encourage you to set up journals so they don't have to have actual conversations with you, but can instead just read what you've posted and THEN decide if they want to get into conversation with you.

People who only post lyrics of songs they didn't write.

People who insist on discussing everything you write in your journal with you when they see you in person. "SO, I saw in your journal that you hate salad. Why is that?"

When you ask people how they are while chatting and they reply with a post to their journal so they don't have to speak with you directly.

People who spend way too much time creating the PERFECT avatar/user icon for themselves.

Entries that contain a lot of thought and information, only to be deleted by the person later on.

Putting a lot of thought into a post and no one replies to it. Then, when you post something dumb, everyone you know replies to it.

People who post really pointless stuff in their online journal in the hope that it somehow makes them important

People who post really pointless stuff in their online journal and have a huge number of readers who make them into some sort of minor internet celebrity.

Knowing that you we inevitably read the online journal of people you hate in the hope that they have contracted some sort of fatal and painful disease but instead finding out that they have won the lottery and are marrying your highschool sweetheart.

Reading the journals of promiscuous hot guys/chick who, will seeming willing to sleep with just about anything, wouldn't give it up for you.

The proliferation of really pointless and shitty questionnaires that are rife on online journals.

The proliferation of young, nubile teenagers whoring themselves for attention and money on sites such as Camwhores.com whilst using an online journal to hook guys in.

People who read your journal, idolise you and try to become you.

Having an online stalker who follows each of your friends journals as well as yours, and then posts on all of them claiming they're in love with you, as well as threatening anyone who likes you. Then when you ask/tell them to stop, they start posting about what a bitch/asshole you are on everyone's journals and they create a special one dedicated to how much they hate you now.

Being unsure quite why you're doing it but being completely unwilling to stop writing in your online Journal.

Being stopped in the street by someone you haven't talked to directly in years, and they ask you about stuff that you wrote in your journal 2 years ago.

Revealing to the world how much of a moron you are and how bad your spelling is.

Writing up huge journal entries, thinking that you're being witty, interesting and such, only to realize that perhaps you and one other person are reading it.

Writing up a really stupid entry that reveals just how big of a dumbass you are, and having everyone you know just so happen to read it that day.

The stupidest people who have no sense of decency always end up having tons of people reading their journal. Then they become this 'internet celebrIty' for being a complete fucking bitch/asshole.

People who think it's ok to say whatever they want online because "it's just words on a screen."

People who post gigantic pictures of stupid things or their pets. Sure, you may have a cute animal or something, but 10 5mb pictures on your journal isn't cute at all.

People who post pictures of themselves, thinking that they're sexy, only to be told they're ugly. Don't get angry because you said that you were sexy and we don't all agree! Either toughen up or don't put your sorry ass photos online!

People could be obsessed with you, reading everything you write. You are completely unaware of this as they're taking notes about the things you like, the places you go etc.

If you're fighting with something and you post something about it, then they'll post in theirs. Pretty soon it's a public fight, with both of you saying dumbass things.

When you're upset or frustrated with something but don't want to get into it with your friends/family, you can't post how you're really thinking or feeling unless you want to make things worse.

If there IS someone you know is reading your stuff and you don't want them to know where you're going all the time and everything, then you have to start censoring yourself.

You think you're all clever for thinking up a word like Bloglitics or used the abbreviation WTF. When people are thinking of ways to help poor children and give medical aid to those in Afghanistan.

When you hang out with friends and they post about their night and you always come off looking stupid but if you say anything it will end up in their journal.

If you're pretending that you're too busy for the internet to avoid someone, then they will simply wait for you to post on your journal. once you've done that, then you'll get hate mail from them saying that you're avoiding them.

Fucked up strangers think they have the right to comment on anything you've put in your journal.

You post in anger and suddenly you're labelled as a huge bitch by all your 'friends' linked to it.

Writing a huge post about how angry or confused you are with something you saw/read and a few days later someone sends you an email with a simple and obvious explanation.

Worrying that you have to be RIGHT about everything you say on your journal, or that people will use it against you.



-source: http://www.theinsanedomain.com/Articles/lists/onlineblogs.htm

Monday, November 28, 2005

Kinky Blue Fairy My Ass

A more decent one? Try barely decent. Joyce the Fairy, as she is known blogs about everything under the sun and moon. And what do you get? A 'blog' or something like it. Just because people read your blog doesn't mean you're some star. People don't want to dig your trash to see what you ate last night. Blogstars are like reality tv people. People watch you because you're on TV and doing stupid things. Outside the show, people just think you're a loser...

Sample blog:
"Hey isn't that Kenny Sia?" Kevin pointed out to me
I'm always oblivious to everything around me at times.
I turned to where he was pointing. (fuck, you sound like one of those badly made Malaysian dramas)
"Hee hee it is!" (SURPRISE!)

I crept up to KennySia sms-ing someone on the dancefloor
And popped my face right into his (SLUT ALERT! SLUT ALERT! ALL PIMPS TO THE BATTLE-STATIONS!)
He glanced up in surprise, "Hey! What are you doing here?"
"What am i doing here? I practically live here. Which is really sad, actually." (THE HELL YOU ARE)

Then i introduced Kenny to Keith, who made him drink :p


OH BIG FUCKING DEAL. WOW. MY GRANDMOTHER WENT TO THE MARKET YESTERDAY AND THE PRICE OF IKAN TENGGIRI WENT UP BY 50 CENTS. THEN SHE GOT NUDGED ON HER ARM BY AUNTY ROSE, WHO POINTED OUT THAT MISS CHAN WAS AT THE MARKET TOO. SO MY GRANNY POPPED HER HEAD ONTO MISS CHAN'S BREAST TO SEE IF IT REALLY IS HER. AND TO HER SURPRISE, IT WAS.

"WHAT IN A TAMPON'S NAME ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

..."WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I PRACTICALLY LIVE HERE"

THEN THEY WENT TO THE KOPITIAM AND HAD A RM1 KOPI O' KAU WHICH WAS TOO SWEET. THEN THEY DISCUSSED ABOUT IKAN KEMBUNG.

AFTER THAT, AUNT Y ROSE MADE MISS CHAN DRINK SOME OF HER TEH TARIK KOSONG.


DON'T YOU JUST LOATHE BLOGS LIKE THAT? REALITY TV HAPPENED, NOW THIS? WHAT A COMPLETE WASTE OF ELECTRICITY, KEYBOARD STROKES AND FREE BLOG SPACE.